FOR THE PERSON BESIDE THEM
Partner, friend, mother, father, sibling. You want to help without pretending nothing is happening and without turning every evening into an interview.
You have talked about it: choose and gift →
Not yet: start with a possible conversation ↓
FIRST · THE SCENE
“Lately, when you get home, you eat quickly and head to the balcony. You seem further away and I’m worried” usually opens more than “you have a problem and refuse to see it”. A scene can be looked at. A label has to be defended against.
“We don’t have to solve it today. I’d like to understand how it feels from your side.”
PARTNER
You can talk about money, living together, driving, parenting or the space cannabis takes up. Checking pockets, smelling clothes or asking for proof may calm ten minutes and make the relationship worse afterwards.
FRIEND
Suggest a walk, a meal or a call. You can say, “if you want to try a few days, I can help with Friday’s plan”. You do not need to summon the whole cast.
FAMILY · AN ADULT
With an adult child, sibling or parent, you can offer help and set your own boundaries. Their data, conversations and decision to start remain theirs.
IF THEY ARE UNDER 18
ALO and Gift ALO are for adults. If you are worried about a minor, seek healthcare, educational or specialist guidance. You can also write with a general question and we’ll try to point you in the right direction. Please leave out identifying details.
WORDS WITHOUT A SIREN ATTACHED
“I’ve noticed a couple of things and I’m getting worried. Is it okay if I tell you without trying to solve it now?”
“If you ever want to try a break, I can help with the payment or the plan. I don’t need to know what you do afterwards.”
“I’m not going to argue about whether you smoked. I do need you not to drive, and for this not to come from our shared money.”
“Yesterday I spoke to you as if you were a case file. I’m sorry. The worry is still here; the interview did not help.”
If you have spent a long time looking after someone else. Ayúda_te, by María Aranzadi and Itziar Goñi (Yonki Books), offers small ways to care for yourself while supporting someone. A book for you to explore, in Spanish. See other books →
A SMALL DOOR
Send a piece or the ALO page from your own phone. ALO does not receive the contact, count invitations or tell you whether the other person visited.
IF YOU HAVE TALKED ABOUT IT
You can pay for ALO21 or ALO7 for another adult and sign it with your name. They decide when to open it. They can send you a thank-you; the making of stays with them.
WHEN NOT TO WAIT
If there is immediate danger, driving while impaired, severe symptoms, suicide risk, violence, a marked loss of contact with reality or a worrying mix of substances, seek urgent or medical help where you are. Stay with them if you can, and do not turn a crisis into a sale.
ALOIdioma · Llengua · Language
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